I wonder if doctors hate Web MD. I thought of this on a walk after an appointment today with my rheumatologist (a very encouraging appointment, by the way). I'm sure people come into to doctors and specialists all the time saying, "Well, according to Web MD, I have ____. It says I should ask you to prescribe ____. Are you sure you don't want to check again?" As if these men and women who have spent years training to do their jobs need us, need me to self-diagnose
and come up with a suitable treatment plan.
While I completely support advocating for one's health, I know that I can waste a lot of time worrying that I have to figure out what's wrong. It is not my job. Doctors in a way, provide a type of covering for things I don't understand. I need to trust that they've heard from experts and are caring for me.
As time-consuming as second-guessing a doctor's every decision can be, God revealed to me this weekend that I often spend even more hours agonizing over lifestyle questions that are really not my job to answer. You see, God has given me a covering, in the form of the man I wake up next to each morning.
I've spent days and days trying to discern what to do about tough issues:
how should we be budgeting our money and time? Do we need to give more out of our discretionary income? What is a Christian response to environmental concerns? Yikes, big questions to roll around all day. I have felt the urge to decide what I believe about each thing, and then tell Patrick when I did or what we need to do.
I didn't verbalize it until Sunday night, but I was living this way:
There are times when I do not believe the Holy Spirit can speak to my husband. Equally as insiduous,
there are times when I don't believe my husband listens as well, is as sensitive to his leading as I am. In living this way, I am forfeiting the covering that could be mine.
Ephesians 5 (NIV) sa
ys this, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless."
Just as Jesus made his Bride holy,
Patrick, as my husband, is responsible for the holiness of myself and of our family.
I know this idea sounds backward. When I first expressed it to Patrick on Sunday night, I laughed and said, "I feel like this sounds Amish or something." (Nothing against the Amish...it simply felt like more of a traditional family structure than I'd ever considered before). I have known many women (myself included) that have felt the pressure to be the spiritual leader in their homes. They listen to the sermon, read the article, ponder a question while cooking dinner, and frantically try to get their husbands to go along.
I think this is for a variety of reasons. Some men have neglected the call to be the primary discipler in the home. Some women (like me) have had a hard time believing their husbands can hear from the Lord and are making the right choices.
I asked God the same question,
"But what if Patrick gets it wrong? What if he isn't as generous or disciplined or (fill in the blank) as we are supposed to be? I need to keep figuring things out for us!"
God answered the question through my friend Carol. A wise woman in our church, she had encouraged me to rest under Patrick's guidance when I was really stressed about if we were giving enough. God would hold him accountable for the leadership and decisions he made, she told me. My job was to follow him in trust, allow him to be my covering.
Now, I don't believe that God wants me to blindly follow or never express my opinions. His Spirit does speak to me in different ways because of different giftings I have.
However, I can lose the anxiety over figuring everything out. I can bring it to Patrick, and he can decide what our family should do (whoo what a decision to trust this is!).
One final reservation I had about the idea of covering was how it would make Patrick feel. Would he feel overwhelmed by the prospect of being held accountable for listening to God's voice, ensuring our family was following Jesus, and pointing out flaws in my thinking? Was it too much? When I asked him this, the exact opposite was true. My position of trust gave him incredible confidence. He said he felt encouraged to step up and really do his job to lead. There seemed to be joy on both our parts that came from
taking our parts, the parts God intended.
And there I've gone again...writing far to much for far too long. My ideas seem to take quite a few paragraphs to flesh out. However, writing them encourages me to put names to what God is doing, lest I forget. I hope in writing I encourage you, too. Rest in the covering provided to you, and be amazed at how beautifully God's design really works. Good night!
