Of Puzzles and Peaks...

We had left it half finished on the kitchen table. 

Bethany, the lovely and engaging seventh grader I am mentoring, had suggested a puzzle for our monthly get-together. We had chatted and drank tea and worked on a picture of the Grand Tetons while Elisa napped.  When she had to leave to go to her sister's dentist appointment, I decided to leave the pieces where they lay. I hadn't relaxed in this way for a while.

Over lunch, Patrick and I put together a few more patches. I worked on my treeline; he decided to work on the mountaintops.

I had just gotten done saying something about wanting to force pieces to fit when Patrick started getting frustrated with the section he was working on. The top left corner of the puzzle had a tip of white that seemed to be just waiting for the peak he just assembled. However, no matter how many times he tried to snap it together, something was wrong.

"I just don't get it," he said. "It seems like it has to fit." He handed me the pieces to see if I had any better luck.

After trying for a while unsuccessfully, I agreed that it seemed like it should work. I started staring at the cover of the box, and noticed a shady section I hadn't seen before.

"It's the wrong peak!" I exclaimed. We looked a little to the right and snap, the little island of cardboard pieces found its place. I teased him about checking the box.

"That's funny," he laughed, "I was looking at the peak on the box when I was trying to figure it out. It was just the wrong peak."

We kept working on the puzzle, but I had started thinking about this crazy puzzle of a life (It might be cheesy, but my mind works this way sometimes :))

I thought about how often I am, we are, frustrated that the pieces of our life aren't fitting like we believe they should. It's not like we're putting pieces together blindly. We've got dreams, expectations, cultural promises, life experiences of others and voices of advice giving us an image of how our days might be. We force, get frustrated, and try to force again. It seems like it should be easier.

But we are looking at the wrong peak. 

God whispers in Isaiah 55 (v. 8-10):

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
⁹ “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts. (NIV)

Or as the Message puts it:
“I don’t think the way you think.
    The way you work isn’t the way I work.”
        God’s Decree.
“For as the sky soars high above earth,
    so the way I work surpasses the way you work,
    and the way I think is beyond the way you think." (MSG)

I am constantly wanting God to think and work the way I do. I get depressed, even angry when I it. all. doesn't. just snap. Don't we all? 

We want health and security, easily won jobs, predictable and obedient children, neat, uncomplicated relationships, instant freedom from unhealthy sin and thought patterns, churches without messy human hearts. 

We are looking at the wrong peaks!

God never promised any of those things: 

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble," Jesus in John 16:33 (NIV)

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds..." James in James 1:2 (NIV)

"In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted," Paul in 2 Timothy 3:13 (NIV)

If we fix our eyes on the peaks of our performance, our peers, the promises of our culture, or the perfection that seems always just out of our grasp (but seemingly firmly in the grasp of others), we will live disillusioned, resentful, and despairing lives. The pieces will never fit because they were meant to be patterned after a smaller, more humble peak. 

Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. (Matthew 7:13-14, NIV)

“Don’t look for shortcuts to God. The market is flooded with surefire, easygoing formulas for a successful life that can be practiced in your spare time. Don’t fall for that stuff, even though crowds of people do. The way to life—to God!—is vigorous and requires total attention. (Same passage, MSG)

The way prepared for me, the way to life—to God! may not be glamorous, easy, or what I have expected, but it will be for my good. I am only called to stare at and cling to the Rock of Ages in order to endure.

"Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!" (Hebrews 12:1-3 MSG)

If we do this friends, watch the right peak,  the pieces will fit, no need for forcing or fading, frustrated spirits. 

May we watch hard after Him who holds all things, all our pieces, together today.

Waiting for Daddy...

Every day around 5:30, I get a little antsy.

I straighten my hair. We do a quick sweep of our toys. I might even put a headband on Elisa to brighten up her outfit. We wait expectantly on the couch.

You see, any time between 6:00 and 6:30, our favorite person comes to the back door: "daddy."

Valentine's Day

I know that no matter what kind of day I've had, "daddy" will comfort both Elisa and I. I know that I can ask  "daddy" any questions that have been swirling around in my head all day and that he will help bring clarity, perspective, and hope. I know most of all, that I can rest all evening, knowing that  "daddy" is with us, protecting us and giving us the best gift: himself. I get excited even hearing his keys jingle in the lock.

Tonight, right around 5:30, I was struck by the fact that while I look forward each day to Patrick's return, I have never been able to find peace expecting Jesus'. 

I remember the first time I was afraid of Jesus' second coming. We sang "Shout to the Lord" in Sunday school and our teacher explained what the lines "mountains will bow and the seas will roar" meant that one day earth would respond in big ways to Jesus reigning again, this time forever. The idea terrified me. 

Fast forward through anxiety attacks over scary headlines, endless mind games over numbers and doomsday   announcements, counseling sessions in college, sleepless nights and crying behind the wheel or in the classroom or in the bathroom at a party where someone made a flippant comment about the end of the world. 

As someone who fears the unknown, who has a vivid (and often fearful) imagination, and who is "anxiously put together," the events surrounding Jesus coming back in a blaze of glory have often left me sick and weak at the knees. 

But what if I remember I am just waiting for "daddy?" My heavenly daddy is coming home. He promised he would. He will be there to comfort me and wipe away every tear from my eyes. He will answer every question that has ever twisted my gut or my memories. He will provide rest, protection, and the best gift: himself. 

"Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. ² I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. ³ And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ⁴ ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’^[b] or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:1-4 (NIV)

What if instead of fearing what seems like signs of Jesus coming soon, I think of them as keys jingling in the lock that holds this whole world under a curse? What if we prepared our hearts and our lives, not out of fear, but because we want our "houses" in order, our appearance beautiful when our "Daddy" comes home at just the right time? 

To be completely honest, I live in eager expectation of Patrick more than Jesus because I know Patrick better. I know his heart toward me and what he will bring into our home. I haven't always known Jesus and so his return brings me fear. 

I want to change that. 

My new heart, to the end of my days, is to learn to love Jesus more and more. To study Scripture to learn his heart toward me. To watch how he is working in lives around me and around the world to know what he will bring into our home. 

If I do fall in love with this good God who bled for us, fear of the future will have no more place.  

I'll simply be waiting to meet our Daddy at the door.