"A nail is driven out by another nail. Habit is overcome by habit."
She had used it to describe her new quest to breathe thanksgiving, no matter what circumstances brought her. Voskamp explains that you can't positive think yourself to joy. You have to drive out a habit of anger or of worry or of despair with another habit, in her case, writing down the gifts God had given her as a discipline of chronicling his care.
Voskamp notes as well that a habit is something you wear. Well, if that is true, I wear fear, am riddled with nails of fear that have long rusted from being lodged deep.
This week, fear came creeping up out of nowhere really. Blindsided me. Thoughts I hadn't worried about in weeks became all-encompassing mind games. The paradise I'd created in waiting for this baby to arrive turned out to have some pretty hostile creatures, ones that I've met before and before.
As I was lying in bed trying to get to sleep, my mind starting playing tricks again. I was worried about a particular circumstance being meaningful in a scary way. It is... my mind said. It isn't... it said again. It is... It isn't...
My eyes flew open in exasperation. Which were my thoughts? Which the words of the Holy Spirit? What are you telling me, Holy Spirit? Which is it?
Now it doesn't happen really often, but sometimes I feel like the voice of the Holy Spirit comes in gentle, but razor sharp into my jumble of thoughts. This time it did.
Not, "it is," but "I AM."
I suddenly felt the disgusting pit of fear in my stomach settle. I had missed the mark entirely. Not, "it is...." but "I AM." I had been chasing after the wrong nails, wrong habits.
A friend once told me that fear is the opposite of meditation, because you focus all of your thoughts on what could go wrong instead of on God's peace and presence. What we meditate on is a nail. If we meditate on fear, we must drive in a new nail by meditating on who God is.
Patrick and I pulled out the book of John. I remembered from college that John had Jesus' seven "I AM" statements. I suddenly wanted them, like thick stones to turn over in my hands and to hold down my anxious thoughts.
I am the bread of life. I am the light of the world. I am the gate for the sheep. I am the good shepherd. I am the way, the truth, and the life. I am the resurrection and the life. I am the true vine.
These concrete words are solid nails that won't rust: bread, light, gate, shepherd, way, resurrection, vine. Words that you can taste, touch, see, and explore different facets of in your mind. These words will be fresh for the next days, months, years.
I don't know what your nails are. Maybe you focus on "It is a failure" or "It's not." Or "She is a failure" or "he's not." "It's going to be enough this month." or "It's not." "It is what I deserve." or "It's not fair."
I encourage you today to grab the hammer of your mind and calmly place it over the head of your "It is..." thoughts. Write a poem, listen to a song, scan the scriptures, write out posters. Swing down with thoughts of who God says he is. These nails, they can hold. No matter what is or will ever be.
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